The Sh** My Kid Says

Now that the Kid is talking up a storm, not to mention singing, dancing and commanding me about, there have been some crazy things coming out of his mouth. Most of them are the adorable antics of a toddler, but every once in a while he says something that either makes you go hmmm or holy shit where did you get THAT??? Thank god for the most part he doesn't swear like a sailor (read:Mommy) just yet.

Parenting win. 

Heard from the crib in the morning

"MAAAAAAMA Come get me! I pooped!!"-  synonymous with "WOMAN, WIPE MY BUTT!!"

"Mama, listen to Gaga??" - really child? Lady Gaga at 7am?

"AAAAAASHLEY" or "BRIIIIIIAN" - Oh my god, what happened to Mama and Daddy? Gah, my kid is 2 going on 16.

Now these little toddler-isms are adorable for the most part and take place in the privacy of our own home, in front of only the hubby or me. It's much more amusing/mortifying when it happens in public.

Driving in the Car with My Parents


"Mama drives like a rollercoaster!!"


At a Dinner Party

"They are drinking white wine!"


At the Dinner Table

"I don't want to go to bed, I want to PARTY!"

And the most classic, which just happened yesterday.

He grabbed me by the hand in the middle of this enormous birthday party and dragged me over to a cooler.

"Mama, drink a beer!"

*head in hands, hides in shame* Oh my god REALLY? I die.

What do your kids say these days that makes you want to dig a hole and crawl into it?