Farmer Fitting : Update

So after weeks of being away, I'm just now taking stock of my once-glorious vegetable garden. Sadly, I think that it might need some serious help, even though I thought a few weeks away from me might actually do it some good.

So after tallying up the points between Mother Nature and myself? I think it might be a draw.

Winning


Look what I harvested yesterday!!!

One zucchini, that I rescued from what might be a dying plant, and that I'm not even sure was finished growing yet. Whatever.

A gazillion little Yukon Gold potatoes, all from one potato plant that looked like it was ready. This of course assumes that I know what ready looks like.


An Egg!! YAY! I still only have one hen that is laying so far and we are getting about an egg a day but it's still awesome. The nice thing is that it's really so small it's only half an egg, so it makes feeding the kiddo that much better.


There is more winning -

A few tomato plants that are giving tomatoes.

The strawberry plants have continued to kick ASS, as long as I drown the predatory slugs in beer. Who knew that Lagunitas had more than one use? They love the stuff! 

The rest of the potato plants are growing like crazy and the rosemary is taking over like the vile weed that it is.  And we have CITRUS! Its not ripe yet, but what the hell... it's been known to help the flavor of a Pacifico now and then.

FAIL 
Um, yeah, while some of the tomato plants have some fruit on them... the rest of them look like they are about to croak. Not so bueno. Any ideas people? And please don't say water - they have microdrip and we think they may be overwatered, but since I suck at this, it's anyone's guess.

The arugula has gone to seed, along with half of my herbs. This is in spite of constant pruning to prevent it.

The spinach all died.

The cucumber met his untimely death as well.

A moment of silence please for all of the vegetables that met their fate at my hands.

*****

I am disheartened by my garden this year, not gonna lie.  I do think that I got a little overzealous with my veggies and had a tendency to cram things into the planter, as opposed to picking what would work and planting that, but I didn't think it would be this bad.

I tried to lay out what I wanted to plant for the summer but things ended up a little bit crowded. I tried to get uber farm-like by using seeds instead of starters and ended up fighting a losing battle with the birds (why is it always birds that plague me). After Armageddon of my seedlings I thought what had survived was all basil. Once again, WRONG. I am now the proud owner of about 10 dying tomato plants.

I feel like I tried a lot this year but not much worked. Hopefully next year when I start planting it will come out better, but for now, I'm going to say that Mother Nature has made me her bitch.

Sigh.

But at least the chickens are all still here.

The only chicken that is worth ANYTHING.

The Whole Long Story

We did it!!!

Brian finally finished the coop and we bought four living, breathing, pooping, running, flying (!!!) chickens.

Holy crap.

So once we decided that it was really time to put some poultry in the henhouse, my girlfriend and I headed up to the local feed store to check out the selection and decide which lucky hens were coming home with us.

Ha. Lucky? Poor birds.

Once we picked them out, the feed store worker unceremoniously grabbed them by the feet, wrestled them out of the cage and shoved them in a box. All of us were completely traumatized... the chickens probably more so, but it might be a toss up.

Driving them home in my Passat was an ordeal. Every turn had them scrabbling for purchase on the slick floor of the cardboard box and there was squawking and pecking and pooping and just general FREAKING OUT in the back seat. I was pretty sure that I was going to have killed them all by the time we got home.

Thankfully we all survived and turned them loose in their new digs. They were cautious, obviously still a little traumatized by the car ride, but eventually took to their new home.

A few hours later came the question of, "How do we get them to go into their fancy chicken coop?". I was pretty sure that they weren't going to instinctively know that it was theirs and I knew they were going to want to roost as the sun went down.

When I came into the run to see my two little girls Wilma and Betty snuggling in the corner, I knew we were probably going to have to physically put them into the coop. Which meant I was going to have to not only touch them, but catch them. Gulp.

I'd love to say that my farming instincts took over and that it was all very easy and fluid. Ha. I ran around like a fool, trying to grab their sleek little bodies as they dodged in and out of my grasp. It was embarrassing to say the least, but eventually Wilma and Betty were thrown into the coop. Thelma and Louise were a totally different story and we decided to take five and try again once it got a little darker.

Damn birds were smarter than we were.

I was sitting outside on the patio when I heard the WHOOOOSH of flapping wings.

Crap.

As my girlfriend and I raced to the chicken run, Brian came sprinting out the back door as we screamed and yelled and then looked up in consternation at the two runaways (flyaways?) that were sitting in our redwood tree.

Double Crap.

A broom, a chair and some more traumatized chickens later, we managed to get everyone into their beds for the night. It was our first night as farmers and I was in DEFINITE need of a cocktail. Or six.

Luckily, things have gotten much better since then. There's no more chasing into the house every night and the girls are happy to bed down as the sun starts to set. They have shown us a little more personality and are aptly named. Thelma and Louise continue to be the bigger, more active and feisty birds, while Wilma and Betty are just sweet little girls.

Its definitely been an adventure so far, and now they just need to start earning their keep by laying some damn eggs...

Introductions

May I present to the internet and their adoring fans...


It is official... I am a farmer.

Holy hell.

Wordless Wednesday : F***

This is not the best start to having chickens.

More to come...

How To Suck at Farming

1) Go to expensive, non GMO, heirloom seed store with little to no idea what you are doing. Buy up about 20 dollars worth of seeds with the intention of "doing it yourself, from scratch gosh-darnit".

2) Plant said seeds in either the raised beds or the seedling planter, enclosed in the greenhouse-ish thing that is part of the raised bed.

3) Leave for a week

4) Come home to find sprouts! Little green shoots that boast of your green thumb and ability to raise things from the earth.

5) Leave for a few more days

6) Come home to find the larger seedlings, for the most part, eaten.

7) Curse birds, build rudimentary scarecrow. Laugh with the knowledge that you have now bested those pesky birds and whatever is left to grow will do so uninterrupted.

8) Walk outside a few days later to see that not only have the damn birds NOT stayed away, they have eaten the last of my zucchini plants. They are laughing at me from the fence... I just know it.

9) Contemplate going out to buy bigger starters for the seedlings that were eaten. And maybe a gun.

Before and After 

These little babies are all I have left.