Actually, it's been raining A LOT here. And I think a combination of things came to a head yesterday and I just could
Sadly, as Brian reminded me, this is only the beginning of winter. And it will rain a lot more.
But whoa, I just couldn't handle it yesterday.
I had planned a whole GLORIOUS day of picking out a christmas tree, cutting it down ourselves, seeing Santa (again) in the process, and enjoying the start of a holiday tradition for our family.
Instead, as I looked outside halfway through the kiddo's nap, I saw pouring rain. Not drizzle, but POURING rain. And I lost my shit.
Now I do blame a few things for that... hormones, the beginnings of a cold, THE WEATHER... but yes... full on lost it.
I sobbed harder than the rain pouring down outside and both Brian and the baby looked at me like I had sprouted a few extra heads. And honestly? I felt like I had... because I was SO upset that the rain had ruined my day. That we were stuck inside AGAIN. That there would be no christmas tradition of cutting down a tree and seeing Santa. That it was freakin' RAINING...
Yes I know I was over emotional. I KNOW that this is all ridiculous, but sometimes... oooh. You just can't help it... and the littlest things just set you OFF...
So Brian and Drew escaped the madness of my emotions, while I sat and snuggled with the dog, still sniveling like a spoiled little kid who didn't get her way. And a few hours later, found myself in the pick-up truck, headed to Berkeley to look at a potential dining room table that Brian's mom had found for us.
In the pouring rain, mind you.
But I made it to Berkeley without incident and looked for parking.
In the pouring rain.
I didn't even have an umbrella.
So finally, made it to the store, and found this gorgeous cherry table sitting there on the floor. It was dinged up, and needed some work, but was also %80 off. I mean, really? A crate and barrel, solid cherry table that seats 10?
I was rejuvenated. I had it wrapped in plastic, and went around back to pick it up... where they pointed out the fact that it was now monsooning outside and that unless I had a tarp or a cover, there was no way I could get that baby home without destroying it.
But we now have a dining room table (or at least will on Tuesday). And by the end of the day, I felt mildly better, even though it was still pouring.
And I know that years from now, once I have weathered a few rainy seasons under my belt, I'm going to laugh at what a baby I was about the rain. I'm going to laugh at how much I missed the sunshine of San Diego, and the 70 degree weather and the beach. And I'm going to look at our cherry dining room table and remember standing in the pouring rain on a crowded street in Berkeley, with water dripping off of my nose, HATING the rain... hating the cold... and hating the weather that comes with living in NorCal.
Sometimes you can't help how you react to things. And sometimes, even the best of us act a little bratty and obnoxious when things don't go our way. But the most important thing is that we are here, as a family, spending more time together than I had EVER thought possible. And I'm going to look around at our home, at our friends, at our amazing town... and realize that it's all worth it.
This however... will not be me.